Honey Mag

Childhood abuse, teenage bisexuality, adult promiscuity. All of this led to one fascinating Atlanta public access television spot starring one angry woman and her fishtail braid. Want to know what really happened before and after those YouTube clips denouncing dick and praising pussy? Read on.

What’s your story?
Well I’m from Atlanta, Georgia and my mother is a preacher so I was raised in a very religious Southern Baptist Christian family. I lived the first part of my life with my grandmother in the projects because my mother was raped and she got pregnant with me.

I didn’t know that you were the result of rape.
Yeah, my mother was sneaking to see Jackie Wilson. She snuck [sic] down to see him and she said that he forced himself on her and she got pregnant with me. She couldn’t deal with being traumatized, so she left me with my grandmother in the projects downtown in Atlanta. When I lived with my mother I came to realize all the hypocrisy that exists in the church. See, my mother’s very charismatic, very powerful but she’s also very abusive and violent at home. So we were taught to hide that abuse and I realized from being around her and being in a religious environment that there’s a lot of sexual and drug abuse. There’s a lot of homosexuality, bisexuality, and a lot of promiscuity with preachers – male and female. All of them are molesting they’re children. People are just fucking each other and violating each other in the church and there’s just an honorary code, especially within the black community, that this is not discussed.” I grew up with all the pain and the conflict and the hypocrisy of the black church and religion and spirituality and then condemnation of homosexuals, bisexuals, lesbians and fornication when they’re the main ones that are actually doing it.

Were you in a lot of pain at this time or were you aware that there was a lot of hypocrisy?
It created a lot of conflict and pain in me because I saw it and understood it very well at 12 and 13 years old. And I was told to deny my pain. Every violation was justified with the Bible. But then with homosexuality, they can’t justify that, so having that division in myself — separating spiritually, homosexuality, and being told that was wrong. It confused me and made me push away from men to the point where I couldn’t even talk to them, or face them. So I started experimenting with lesbian relationships. When my mother found out about that, she put me out one night in October. It was cold, in the streets, no money, no shoes – only what I was wearing. And I slept with no coat or anything, freezing, in a car. And I would get up out of that car, and go to the bathroom in a restaurant and wash up.

How long were you out of the house for?
I never went back home. I was 19 and I’m 41. When he got me pregnant he said “Well, you’re gonna have to get an abortion…”

The supervisor got you pregnant?
Yeah, at my job. He said “You’re going to have to get an abortion. This is not what I want. I don’t want either one of you.” I knew I wasn’t going to do that, because I had never been pregnant before and I felt like I had nothing in my life to live for — nothing that loved me or nothing that I loved, so I wanted this child. I didn’t believe in abortion, so I had him. It was difficult because we were poor. I had nothing. I had to be on food stamps. I had to be on welfare, and I struggled, but I wasn’t going to get rid of that child, so I went through a lot of different dysfunctional relationships which started at home. And more dysfunction and abuse and drama from my mother even as an adult. Looking for love with the wrong types of men and the wrong types of women, because I didn’t love and respect myself and I didn’t have a sense of identity. I was looking for it in church and looking for it in people. I basically felt like all these institutions failed me and these doctors and these counselors failed me, because all they wanted to give me was bullshit solutions and tell you “Jesus was gonna fix it” and counselors were going to give me drugs and tell you “Well you’re just suffering from depression or psychosis” and shit wasn’t working. When I realized that I had gone through so many years of being abused and traumatized repeatedly, I really decided the shit was wrong and it was fucked up. I had to bring a solution. So I basically taught myself — from all the things that happened to me — how to turn my own mind around and analyze and see what I was doing wrong to continuously get caught up in this vicious cycle that people encourage you to be caught up in through the hypocrisy and the lies of this philosophy that they give you on how to handle yourself and how to handle relationships. So I decided to do my own show.

Right, which permitted you to express that…
Well, they tell you “Don’t tell anybody about that. It’s embarrassing. Don’t let anybody know you was played like that. Don’t let nobody know your family abused you like that.” Most of us keep quiet; they’d never do what I do. But I felt like this was a service I wanted to provide. A lot more of us are hurting than helping and I felt like somebody would appreciate me just breaking the game down like it was never broken down to me. Unfortunately a lot of people couldn’t handle that show so the manager of People TV did what she could to get me off the air. A lot of producers teamed up and did what they did to get me off the air because I was getting more attention than them.

Well, what were you doing before you got onto the public access show? I think a lot of what was so striking about your show was that it was on a public access channel and not on a late-night network.
What do you mean? I mean, nobody knew me. It’s not like they’re just going to give me a deal. I started where I could. It was supposed to be based off of a constitutional rights forum, where you could say whatever you wanted to say however you wanted to say it, so I decided to start there to become known, to get these major networks. I mean most of those major network — unless it’s HBO or Showtime — could not handle me. They weren’t going to put me on there unless I dumbed it down and smoothed it out like I did on the pilot show that I shot where there was no profanity at all.

When you talk on your show, you refer to a lot of real experiences. Are these experiences from the supervisor that you had? Was that who you were in love with? What’s the story behind those experiences?
I mean, its life. I got pregnant, so it wasn’t just him. I share that I got left with a baby, and then after that there was a series of relationships — men and women — so I picked the wrong types of people. I was looking for something in them that I realized I needed to find in myself.

You say the relationship between you and your mother was a very abusive one, and then she was on your show. And that relationship is pretty dynamic. You’re still very open to her. How was your relationship to her before the show and did it change after?
Its generally the same. My mother is my mother and she is the way she is. We weren’t even talking and she didn’t even know I had a show until her friends started talking. Then she contacted me. She was begging to be on there, so I thought it would be a good opportunity to do some healing for myself, and say some things that I wanted to say. Because we were never allowed to speak. As open as I am with her now, I would’ve got slapped in the mouth. Sex, her telling us about our bodies and loving it — that never occurred to me that it was always put-downs and what you’re not going to be, and your dumb, you’re stupid you’re going to be a hoar when you grow up. So a lot of that stuff was in me that I had to work through and I felt that it was important to have her on there to work through, basically as the first woman in my life. So it was helpful to me, ti was also helpful to her. But that’s not necessarily the intention to have her be a co-host. She’s not going to be a part of all of my future shows.

Why did you decide to become an ordained preacher at 21? I know you’ve had a lot of problems with the church. Was that in an effort to change things? Did you have an epiphany that that’s where you were supposed to be?
No, I always knew that I was going to be a preacher, even since I was a little girl. They run all through my family, that’s on me, it’s a part of my blood. But not that type. I still love the energy of the church, and I love the spirituality of it. I’m just saying religion is twisted. I’m spiritual, I’m not religious. So I’m bringing in a new era of preaching. I’m preaching a totally different type of message and that’s one of the things that people like about me. They can sense the preacher feel a lot of times, especially when I get really started going into deep into something. They like that energy. So I wanted to go into the prisons and I wanted to go into churches and I knew the way to do that was to be an ordained minister and you have to get licensed or have that card, because that would allow me access to the people I knew really needed my style of teaching. No holds barred and no fake shit.

Do you receive a lot of criticism? What’s the criticism you get and how do you deal with that?
Of course I do. Like I told you, I got kicked off of TV – Public Access. Every radio show I went to I heard “Oh we don’t want her in here.” So it’s always there. The best way to deal with it, I don’t deal with it. I don’t think about it, I don’t care about it because I see the people are begging for it they like the way that I’m bringing it and removing the veil. Stop making everything mysterious and causing people to be like slaves, hanging on, not really causing them to be free. They like it because I give them information to teach themselves how to free themselves from whatever bondage they’re in and sex is a part of the church. Sex always has been a part of the church and apart of religion. So I’m not wrong for what I do

When you speak with people, how much do you get to know them before giving them advice? What is your process of understanding what people are going through? Is it as simple as getting a question and answering it, do you try to get some background, do you get a feel for them?
All of that. And they get close to me and if they want me to do, I might do a reading on them. If they would call into the blogtalkradio show then I go into the background of it. Because I know most stuff that you’re dealing with as an adult deals with a childhood issue. So I like to get to the root of it because you can’t assume that one size fits all. When you answer questions, it doesn’t apply to everybody. And most people I’m surprised and I’m grateful that people have never met me physically, but they tell me so much information. They’re so wide open with me and they trust me. So usually when I answer a question I usually have enough information to answer it so that it resonates within them.

Is it different for guys than it is for girls?
No. So many men are secret with it but they tell me about their sex issues, their penis size issues, their childhood, their rape, their molestation when they were 5 by their daddy or their choir director. I was so surprised how open the men are. I have a large male audience.

I would assume that the men would be more open than the women…
But it’s a secret code. It’s like, they’re told this is the boys club and these are tricks we run on the omen and this is how you handle and manipulate them and these are the sex tricks and these are the psych games that you play. So you don’t talk to the women honestly about your problems about your pain and you don’t tell them that you’re really not sincere because this is no how you get what you want. It’s a code that the men have. And they shut down when it comes to women. And sharing things and being real and honest, that’s what I’m all about. It surprises me because they let their guard down when it comes to me.

And that’s something you weren’t expecting?
No, because they’ll tell me “I’m telling you this, but I can’t tell my girl this.” I don’t know because she isn’t going to accept it and I don’t know how to present this to her but I know I can tell you. Because men are encouraged to be hoars, women are encouraged to keep their legs closed so men have a totally separate rule book.

How is your current relationship affected by your sex talks?
Actually, it’s affected me more because I’ve grown more since I’ve been doing the shows. It’s made me aware that I’ve grown in a lot of ways past the relationship. And it helped me learn about becoming more solid in my identity. So yeah he’s always supported what I do and he agrees with what I do and that tells me about a lot of the games men play. So he knows I’m telling the truth about all the things I’m talking about, but it has impacted me greatly. And the people, the way they’ve responded, I’ve learned just as much from them as they say they learn from me.

Is it more open communication?
Yeah and I know it’s because I’ve grown up in the relationship and I’ve changed.

You’ve been openly bisexual. Does that affect your relationship? Or is it more about being monogamous than it is about your orientation?
Whenever I’m in a relationship, I’ve always been monogamous so I know that he wouldn’t like that (me being bisexual in the relationship) so I haven’t been. And its about being monogamous.

So how do you approach your relationships?
I don’t jump into bed with people. I don’t do one night stands. And because I have a son, even though he’s grown, I don’t have people in and out of my house.

How old is your son?
21. I think it’s really important to establish the psychology of the person that I’m dealing with to see first off not what I want from them but what they want from me. I have to know the agenda and establish the friendship; a very open and honest communication with that person. Basically, I’m not just going to look at the beginning of something I want, I’m going to look at the end result and see where could this gol In order for me to do this, I have to establish a friendship with that person to see if they respect women, do they have the same agenda that I do, what type of spiritual beliefs you have, what type of sexual beliefs you have, what type of sex partner…you know what I’m saying? I’m going to really scrutinize that person and to me that is the call for establishing that friendship and see if they’re willing to be open and then move from there.

Do a lot of people assume that you’re down for one night stands or that it’s not about a relationship?
I really don’t get that much. I get a lot of people being very respectful. I notice men talk to me different now than they used to.

Yeah?
Yeah, they come and “Hello, my name is such and such, I’m a business owner, I do this, I do that, I would like to know if I could take you to dinner?” They don’t come up and say I would like to take you to bed. I don’t get that. I guess because of the energy that I give off. I don’t believe that I give off the type of energy on my show or in person that I like to do one night stands.

So you’re saying it’s always very respectful. Does anyone come up to you and say you’re too out there and that you put yourself out there too much?
I don’t have any problems with that. When I talk about things I’ve been through, that’s in my past. I never get on my show and talk about the sexual relationships I’m in now. I’ve never done that. Everything I talk about is stuff I did. I don’t even name the person that I’m involved with. Nobody in the industry even knows the name of the man that I’m dealing with. So no I don’t tell everything. That’s my ministry so that’s what I used to help people. So I share everything that I’ve gone through and where I’ve been to show people that it’s possible to overcome those things. But no, that’s separate from what’s going on in my life now and in the future

And that’s very important for you to keep that separate.
You have to.