Honey Mag

‘Tis the season to be jailing, falalalala lala la la. Our apologies for the snide remix to a holiday classic, but the truth has been known to set folks free … or lock their asses up. Every week it seems as if another omnipresent (or lesser) rapper is being sentenced to time behind bars and we don’t mean sixteens.

From TI to Wayne to everyone’s favorite feature, Gucci, hip-hop’s royal relevant are falling faster than crinkled leaves and being shoveled into their respective slammers. Piling on to an already lofty count of rappers-turned-inmates (Free Remy!) barred for convictions ranging from gun possession to strip club brawls. Although Honey’s more than hoping this pattern dissolves in the New Year, we’re still holding down 12 of our jailbirds — and soon to be— for the holidays. Peep their presents…

1. Black Rob aka Robert Ross
Jailed since: 2006
Holiday gift: Framed flicks from Diddy’s 40th — So Brobby doesn’t feel like he was left #OutsideDiddysParty. ($29.99, Target)

2. Mystikal aka Michael Lawrence Tyler
Jailed since: 2004
Holiday gift: 26-piece deluxe hair clipper kit — Because we don’t want to see anything close to 2001 plaited on his dome. ($33.29, Amazon)

3. Max B aka Charly Wingate
Jailed since: 2010
Holiday gift: 3 Packs of Wet ‘N Wavy 18in. — If crazy Crockett wants to Rupenzel his way out of jail, who are we to stop him? ($31, It’s Yours)

4. Lil Wayne aka Dwayne Michael Carter, Jr.
Going to jail: 2010
Holiday gift: Savanna 3 Hole Blow Up Doll — At some point a man has to learn the art of non-reproduction. ($27.95, Healthy & Active)

5. Tru Life aka Roberto Guzman Rosado, Jr
Jailed since: 2009
Holiday gift: Adobe Photoshop CS4 — In case Jim Jones ever wants to do MySpace wars part dos. ($699, Upgrade $199, Adobe)

6. TI aka Clifford Joseph Harris, Jr.
Jailed since: 2009
Holiday gift: 100 pounds of Chocolate CytoSport Muscle Milk — Somebody’s gotta have Tiny’s best interest in mind. ($49.99, GNC)

7. Slick Pulla aka Renaldo Whitman
Jailed since: 2007
Holiday gift: 4 copies of Slaughterhouse’s self-titled debut (Feel free to trade the other 3 for cigs, SP!) — A reminder of life post USDA’s Cold Summer. Ha-haaa! ($14.99, BestBuy)

8. Remy Ma aka Reminisce Mackie
Jailed since: 2008
Holiday gift: Nicki’s Beam Me Up, Scotty mixtape — Should we include a Barbie punch-a-bitch doll as well? (Free, Dat Piff)

9. Prodigy aka Albert Johnson
Jailed since: 2007
Holiday gift: Leather muzzle — As much we love AJ for his big, unfiltered mouth (Pause!) … we also hate him for it. ($23.99, Morrco)

10. Gucci Mane aka Radric Davis
Going to jail: 2010
Holiday gift: 10 Kenmore air conditioners — Burrr! ($549.99, Sears)

11. Lil Boosie aka Torrence Hatch
Going to jail: 2010
Holiday gift: Year subscription to Smooth magazine — But only if Boose promises he won’t hunt down any models’ azz with ecstasy pills in hand. ($14.95, Magazineline)

12. Peedi Crakk aka Pedro Zayas
Jailed since: 2008
Holiday gift: A Skype studio session with Beanie Sigel — Perhaps that would leave Hov shivering? (Free, Skype)

STOCKING STUFFERS:

Da Bratt aka Shawntae Harris
Jailed since: 2007
Holiday gift: Amber Rose’s ten digits (Our bad, ‘Ye!).

Turk aka Shawntae Harris
Jailed since: 2006
Holiday gift: An hour of twerk for Turk (Just don’t forget to card ‘em!)

Designed by CalvinKlone