It Is What It Is
Hey Honey Pies!
It’s me, back again. I hope as you read this you are aware of all of your blessings. At the very least, you have eyes to see, right? I thought I’d start you off with something encouraging. We all need it from time to time.
Just yesterday, a friend and I were talking about life and the cards that we are dealt going through this journey. Think about all of the things, fortunate and unfortunate, that happen to us in the blink of an eye. Possibly, it was that very thing that we tried to keep from happening, but for some reason, it was unavoidable—inevitable even. My friend pointed out that we don’t have control over those things. And I added my favorite line these days, “well, it is what it is…”
How ironic that a sermon at church was titled the same thing? It is true that our situations are what they are. But it shouldn’t dictate our outlook on life or how content we are because (in my opinon), God has it all under His control. Aside from giving our situations to Him, there are also some additional things we can do. I think He sends us signs via thoughts, people and situations to make us better, stronger and able to cope with what’s going on. I found this email I received recently:
10 Virtually Instant Ways to Improve Your Life
Many of our problems come from within our own minds. They aren't caused by events, bad luck, or other people. We cause them through our own poor mental habits. Here are 10 habits you should set aside right away to free yourself from the many problems each one will be causing you.
1. Stop jumping to conclusions. There are two common ways this habit increases people's difficulties. First, they assume that they know what is going to happen, so they stop paying attention and act on their assumption instead. Human beings are lousy fortune-tellers. Most of what they assume is wrong. That makes the action wrong too. The second aspect of this habit is playing the mind-reader and assuming you know why people do what they do or what they're thinking. Wrong again, big time. More relationships are destroyed by this particular kind of stupidity than by any other. Ask yourself how many potential opportunities were missed because of bad assumptions. Some of the world's worst sales people are gold medal winners in conclusion jumping.
2. Don't dramatize. Lots of people inflate small setbacks into life-threatening catastrophes and react accordingly. This habit makes mountains out of molehills and gives people anxieties that either don't exist or are so insignificant they aren't worth worrying about anyway. Why do they do it? Who knows? Maybe to make themselves feel and seem more important. Whatever the reason, it's silly as well as destructive. Everyone makes a point to avoid the drama queens and kings of this world.
3. Don't invent rules just for the sake of rules. A huge proportion of those "oughts" and "shoulds" that you carry around are most likely needless. All that they do for you is make you feel nervous or guilty. What's the point? When you use these imaginary rules on yourself, you clog your mind with petty restrictions and childish orders. And when you try to impose them on others, you make yourself into a bully, a boring nag, or a self-righteous bigot.
4. Avoid stereotyping or labeling people or situations. The words you use can trip you up. Negative and critical language produces the same flavor of thinking. Forcing things into pre-set categories hides their real meaning and limits your thinking to no purpose. See what's there. Don't label. You'll be surprised at what you find. 5. Quit being a perfectionist. Life isn't all or nothing, black or white. Many times, good enough means exactly what it says. Search for the perfect job and you'll likely never find it. Meanwhile, all the others will look worse than they are. Try for the perfect relationship and you'll probably spend your life alone. Perfectionism is a mental sickness that will destroy all your pleasure and send you in search of what can never be attained. Don't let great become the enemy of good.
6. Don't over-generalize. One or two setbacks are not a sign of permanent failure. The odd triumph doesn't turn you into a genius. A single event--good or bad--or even two or three don't always point to a lasting trend. Usually things are just what they are, nothing more. 7. Don't take things so personally. Most people, even your friends and colleagues, aren't talking about you, thinking about you, or concerned with you at all for 99% of the time. The majority of folk in your organization or neighborhood have probably never heard of you and don't especially want to. The ups and downs of life, the warmth and coldness of others, aren't personal at all. Pretending that they are will only make you more miserable than is needed.
8. Don't assume your emotions are trustworthy. How you feel isn't always a good indicator of how things are. Just because you feel it, that doesn't make it true. Sometimes that emotion comes from nothing more profound than being tired, hungry, annoyed, or about to get a head-cold. The future won't change because you feel bad--nor because you feel great. Feelings may be true, but they aren't the truth. 9. Don't let life get you down. Keep practicing being optimistic. If you expect bad things in your life and work, you'll always find them. A negative mind-set is like looking at the world through distorting, grimy lenses. You spot every blemish and overlook or discount everything else. It's amazing what isn't there until you start to look for it. Of course, if you decide to look for signs of positive things, you'll find those too.
10. Don't hang on to the past. This is my most important suggestion of all: let go and move on. Most of the anger, frustration, misery, and despair in this world come from people clinging to past hurts and problems. The more you turn them over in your mind, the worse you'll feel and the bigger they'll look. Don't try to fight misery. Let go and move on. Do that and you've removed just about all its power to hurt you. How many of these have you done in the past? I know I’m guilty of quite of few them. Just recently, I got some feedback about my writing. Oh yeah, newsflash: It’s my dream to do this type of thing full-time. I guess writing is my gift and passion. Anyway, on the quest to get my writing published in as many publications as possible, I fell on my pa-tooty. After completing a writing test for publication, I got the no-sir from the editor. I can’t lie–I was mad! But again, it is what it is.
I was on point. Or, so I thought! I agree with some comments, but not all. In my younger years, I viewed any little thing someone said as an insult, rather than constructive criticism. See, I have this issue with perfection (see # 5). I thought that I always had to do things right, with no mistakes, the first time around. Especially in academia and writing. This is my thing, ya know?
If the truth be told, as I type this, there may be several typos and journalism errors. I hope not that many, but oh well. Do you know what I say? Dust yourself off and try again (and use grammar/spell-check). As I continue to grow, I must remember that I cannot stay in the same mindframe, circumstances and situations. After all, isn’t that the very opposite of growth? Now, instead of pouting about the things I did WRONG, I find out how to correct my mistakes, do better and move on.
And that’s what life is all about.
Peace,
AT
