In 2003, I remember a very popular music magazine that shall remain nameless, did an article on the lesbian community. The magazine spoke with young adolescent women of color who were the more "masculine" women in a lesbian relationship about their lifestyle and love lives. I was happy that a magazine on this level, was shining light on the community, but I was upset on how poorly the women repsented the lesbian community.

Why is it when the media turns its attention to the Lesbian community they always feature or talk to the Michelle Ndgeocello or Ellen Degeneres Types? Has anyone tried to speak to, Porsha (Ellen's partner) to see or hear her story? The "aggressive” type or women who don't posses a more “feminine" exterior does not repsent all lesbians. In addition, why in the black community is it such a secret to be out and gay when you are in the limelight? I mean we all love the same behind closed doors. What happens in the dark must come to light. I want to bring light to the Lipstick lesbian or what I call the Lipstick Ladies.

Let me introduce myself, my name is Princess. I am a 27-year-old beautiful, black college graduate, residing in the big city of New York. I am developing my own fashion company; I am a woman striving for success. I have been in the life for about eight years now but some have said I was always gay even though I have had my share of relationships with men. Some people find it hard to believe I am a lesbian. Most people would classify a person gay, by their looks, which is ridiculous. I constantly hear “you are too beautiful to be with women.” This bothers me! Within both communities, gay and straight, people know I am gay. What they do not know is I am a rare breed in the gay community, now a days it has become a trend to be with another woman.

The lesbian community is watered down, diluted with imposters, stereotyped, and classified as this certain type of woman. Again, this bothers me because my sexual orientation is not taken serious. They say I look “straight” so I cannot be gay. A statement such as that is the reason why I am addressing this misconception. I mean if you really think about that statement what does it really mean. The biggest misconception is that the "masculine" woman is more gay than the feminine woman. However, appearance has nothing to do with the way you chose to love another. I am writing this letter to you because I think this is a great-untold story. I believe there are a lot of women who can relate and I would really love to clear up some of the misconceptions about the lesbian community from a softer side.

What has become increasingly irritating to me is when men approach me and I tell them I am gay, they do not believe me. They say I should not give up on men because of one guy. Don’t get me wrong, I know that with my lifestyle, ignorance by others comes with the territory. At first, I was angry and annoyed but after some careful thinking; it is clear that society has had a way of classifying people. If you do not fit that model that is projected then you're less of importance. Since I look like I can get a man, or better yet, men find me attractive, I am not a “real” lesbian. Most men feel like my sexual orientation, was the result of some type of abuse by a man.

Why is that always the case?

I am a woman who loves women whether she is masculine or not. A woman is my choice to love, but my attraction is much deeper than what happens behind closed doors. I am apart of a rare population of women in the lesbian community. I'll like to shed some light that we do exist and I want people to know who we are. Especially now with reality show craze, MTV has a show where they explore the world of "Bisexuality". Tila Tequila the Internet whore is coming out with a reality show where men and women are in competition for her. This really discredits the feminine lesbians in society; this basically says that we are nothing more than a sexual fantasy. I want the chance for people to hear our side of the story and not think that all feminine lesbians are bisexual women.

This is a story of “The feminine lesbian” who has experienced the best of both worlds, and chooses the love and emotional connection with another woman. The woman who was not done wrong or robbed of her choice to love, and chooses to love another woman. My story can help people not place all lesbians in one box. For a better understanding into my world, you can contact me @ lipstickvixen25@yahoo.com. Thank you for your time hope to hear from you soon!

Best,

Princess Vines

"Mother Lipstick"