Cure the Lure of Bad Boys this New Year

by Linda Dominique Grosvenor

We are women; we deserve true affection and a reciprocated kind of love [...]

Men who consider themselves the good, faithful, affectionate, sensitive, provider type say that they can't for the life of them figure why women who are strong and overly vocal about their independence and their emotional and physical needs still find themselves lured by those shady bad boy types.

You know the bad boy kinds. They tell you they'll be there at 9, and then never show, they say they love you, but what they really mean is they love you, her, and their baby's mother. These bad boy kinds forget Valentine's Day and anniversaries and when you complain about your second rate treatment they use reverse psychology telling you that they thought you were the strong independent kind, not a weak emotional woman. These bad boys take their time deciding whether or not to commit and divide their time up between the multiple women vying for their attention, which lands them on your doorstep at 2 a.m. trying to hoist you off to an all night diner just so you can't complain that they don't take you anywhere.

It's not that the bad boys don't want you, they do, they just want your wallet, your warm bed, your home cooked meals and whatever the limit is on your credit card as well. When women are asked, why or how they allow this to happen over and over again, they say, they love the mystery and the thrill of the chase. "He's exciting" they say. "He's different and makes me feel alive" others say. These women are convinced that the boring "good guys" do absolutely nothing for them physically and they say that they don't find them mentally or emotionally stimulating. My advice is wake up and learn from the mistakes of women everywhere. There is nothing mysterious about wondering who the man drooling on the pillow next you slept with last night or wondering if he even cared enough about you, her or himself to use a condom. There is also nothing thrilling about being treated like the last drag on a cigarette that's been smashed out underfoot.

Women who say that bad boys are exciting need to be able to tell the difference between the trembling feeling of being in the presence of a snake and the natural caring feeling of exhilaration that one gets when a door is being held open for them by someone who cared enough to bother. As far as bad boys making you feel "alive" there is also no better way to know that you are alive than to have him working your nerve! Find a bad boy, he'll work it. He'll push you to the limit, to the edge, and most hopefully to the threshold of something better, like a "good guy".

Bad boys are the ones that women vow that they can do without but find themselves helplessly drawn to over and over again, like a moth attracted to a flame whose lure is surely the moth's demise. Everything we want or desire isn't good for us. We have to learn to weigh the pros and cons and evaluate more than our superficial needs. Do we eat for a week or parade around in $300 shoes? Do we seek a relationship that will meet our needs or do we take any scrap we can get?

All men aren't dogs. There are men out there who return phone calls, pay for dinner, send flowers, call just to say hello, and tell the truth about everything up front. But, some of us women still want the games and the charades that we convince ourselves is exciting, then we call up our girlfriends who "told us so" to complain about it when our "man" doesn't come home at night.

We need to see that we are worth more than dusty pick up lines. We are women; we deserve true affection and a reciprocated kind of love. We can't put off the hard working honorable men as boring or nerdy just because they don't wear the brand names and leather vests, donning shades that conceal more than we'll ever know. We need to make a pact with ourselves this year to accept people as individuals and not by what they drive or wear, because if we do all we'll end up doing ten years down the line is shuffling through our electronic organizers calling up that good guy we put off in high school, trying to engage him in conversation, hoping he isn't married yet.

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